Are Unmarried Leaders Superior?
Be warned, this may be more of a rant than a well balanced post. I’m frustrated by the number of leaders who are ending their marriages or in marriages that are deeply struggling. I’m not a sociologist or registered counsellor and I haven’t done a statistical analysis to determine if there’s really a trend to consider. I’m just annoyed. And sad. And asking a bunch of questions: -Are leaders uniquely vulnerable to marriage troubles? -If so, is that because of the pressures of their roles or because their personalities are more difficult to maintain a healthy committed relationship? -Does the so-called “loneliness of leadership” result in leaders being less willing to admit struggles and get marriage help? -Do contemporary expectations for work/life balance and for both parents to be actively involved in parenting make it harder today than it was when many leaders left family behind to pursue their sense of calling? -How should we understand the Biblical quotes about married people being concerned about earthly things and unmarried people being concerned about things of God? -How should we understand the Biblical quotes about marriage, divorce, and remarriage? -Are unmarried people innately better leaders because they are able to be more entirely focused on the work? -If so, is that really a good thing? -Can anyone point to real examples of organizations that have a leadership culture that nurtures marriage instead of adding strain to it? -What are the warning signs that coworkers, supervisors, or board members should see that indicate that a leader’s marriage may be in trouble? -What should they do if they see those signs? -Is there an appropriate Human Resources policy for marriage support? -Is there an appropriate Human Resources policy for divorce leave? -What should be done if coworkers divorce one another? -Is there a better resource for leaders to consider than Andy Stanley’s book “Choosing To Cheat“? -Is marital fidelity a relevant matter for supervisors to consider? -Is it even legal to ask about this stuff in an employment context? -Is it important enough to risk offending people by asking even if it’s not commonly done? -Are there any real differences between leaders who identify as Christians and those who don’t? -Is marriage difficulty contagious? And finally; are any of my friends out there secretly struggling with serious marital issues and I’ve been too busy, insensitive, polite, or cautious to ask the question and offer support? Rumour Control: This post is not a reflection on any particular leader or couple I know or hear about, and I believe my marriage is currently holding up reasonably well.